The Quest for Intellectualism

It's been awhile since I've tried to be an intellectual. A long time ago I thought that I was smart, I thought that I wanted to be smart, and I thought that it was fun to be a witty and intelligent person. More recently I have tried to dumb down my brain by drowning it with alcohol, partying and pornography. This switch toward the more basic pleasures in life was preceded by my head injury of which I realized afterward I did not want to live and I have since pursued pleasure so as to escape my mind which has been crying out to be silenced. I'm writing this blog because I don't want to be the cliche "don't want to live so cover up all unhappiness with drunkeness and sex". I have always hated being cliche but more recently it seems I have been seeking it out. This is not to say that I'm against partying or drinking, etc. but I definitely need to get my act together and get some quality of life. I've been heading down the wrong path for a good while now simply because I didn't want to engage the pain I felt after my head injury. I think that to a degree it was a natural reaction because when things turn to shit, it's often natural to turn to something to take that anguish away.

I see myself now as someone who has been seeking out partying, etc simply because I couldn't handle what's been happening in my life. I am still a party person at heart, but the reason I was seeking out the party's and alcohol was because I was so miserable. I would rather be seeking out the parties because I'm looking to have fun, not to escape my misery. so I'm becoming an intellectual again because I no longer want to escape my mind by being stupid. So yeah. sorry for such an unintelligent blog post. I've been kind of retarted lately.